Well, some news.
Many news!
A lot of news.
First of all,
I want to say,
that when I decided,
because I decided it in full consciousness,
to give my love to the Starchild,
I was aware that some youths are playing games.
Some warn me
but after some time on the net,
I already knew that.
And that’s a fact
that even many so-called grow ups behave like kids in need of attention.
Or diva’s!
Even if nowadays not many diva’s act that way!
All the same,
I didn’t want to take a risk.
I didn’t want to run away,
like I have done many times in front of a child,
an adolescent asking for help.
O! Don’t judge me!
I was not exactly running away!
At first, I always did what was to be done.
It was later, I had to call it quit!
As I was often not in the position to be able to be or stay efficient on the long run.
To be around meant most of the time, conflicts with the person in charge.
And I always quited because I thought it was better to do so for the child.
To prevent him or her to be in a pulling “game”…
So, how did it start?
When first I get irritated and told it to my golden child
(yes, I will never call him by any real name)!
I found it terrible that people,
mainly young girls and gays,
kept on telling him how handsome he was,
while he looks so sad and lonely on those pictures,
And I realised very quickly, I had open a gate there.
As he expressed his true loneliness.
And despair.
And if I understand well, he told me then he is an orphan.
I don’t know if it is true,
but what I know now for sure, is that he feels destitute.
That whatever his true mother is or was,
the person in charge in that kind of role isn’t fulfilling his needs or expectations.
He seems to feel betrayed.
Anyway, for a long time,
I kind of felt nor his name, nor the place he says he was from were true.
What I knew for a long while too, was that
his avatar and pictures are from a young American actor called Sandvoss.
Steve Sandvoss.
And also, nearly from the start, I thought that he is autistic.
I am not sure, now.
But why would I think that?
Because there was a picture of a red-haired boy on the ground,
the grind in fact, outside, in front of a car,
and that guy was in a kind of fit…
And the man who was pulling him looked very much like his supposed (killed) father.
As to explained things to me, he did put pictures of “his” family.
Well, now of course, I understand why he chose this kind or type of family!
They have to be in the likeness of Sandvoss, of course.
Dumb me!
But why the guy on the ground, supposedly him, was having a fit,
was a kind of mystery!
Or not.
Sure enough,
I had that picture on my desktop from the moment
I realised his avatar and pictures were Steve Sandvoss.
I was probably not wanting to see eyes to eyes the true him.
Because at every turn there were give away signs.
Anyway, I think it is nicer that he told me himself.
His name.
After giving me an address.
Then he acknowledge his place of birth and living.
His faith.
And showed me a way to his picture.
Where I can’t see more than a hand, his nose and a knee.
Has he is in profile and wear a low hat.
But I am already overjoyed just to see his hand and the way he sits.
Well, all wrapped in himself up, if you see what I mean.
Is he my child?
Will he accept that?
He was afraid I wouldn’t love him anymore after he told me the truth.
His secret as he said.
And well, somehow,
even if I understand him, as his opinion of himself is so low,
I don’t.
And I can’t…
As for me that he told me is a gift.
Well, I said so to him.
And kept writing it.
So, Long, this is it for today.
It happened between midnight and one o’clock…
I had one of the strangest night of my life…
