Archive for June, 2007

The sad or the glad game and blindness.

Posted in Blogroll, autism on June 29, 2007 by clartedubois

Sometimes, it feels right to post a less optimist blog.

But as always, the day after you have the impression

That things have move on.

Like the certitude that one’ silence has probably nothing to do

With you.

Some people have been so hurt by life that

They just go in hiding like wounded animals.

They can’t believe in love or care.

Or better:

If you give them love, they will ask for care.

And the reverse, too.

Because something blinds them.

They are unable to see that both are possible.

Well, so it seems, because they are probably locked in themselves.

However…

It reminds me of Pollyanna.

She knew a lady who always wanted what was not in the gifts’ basket.

So, one day, Pollyanna came with a choice of everything.

A little bit of each.

And of course, the lady was speechless.

When Pollyanna grew up,

She realised that not everything could be tackle so easily.

And I feel really a lot like Pollyanna,

Both as a child and a grow up.

That means that as and when it is possible

I will try to give the little comfort.

But my heart aches not to be able to go further than that.

And maybe this express much better my feelings

Than the post of yesterday.

Or maybe it alternates…

I want…

Posted in Blogroll, autism on June 27, 2007 by clartedubois

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xxhli_chic-i-want-your-love

It just keeps on  going round and round and round in my mind…

What? It is either Con te Partiro …

Or Time to say Goodbye.

I even found it in Greek and it is a jewel.

All that means the same.

As beautiful as  it is, I can’t say it is cheering me up.

Well, hell no.

Of course I still have fits of laugh when I am writing

Nonsensical comments to my virtual friends.

But nobody will ever believe I am really happy

When I put repeatedly that song on my blogs.

So, walking the dogs, again,

and again on the dirt road, 

again I was crying.

As my life seems a run of unrequited loves.

Whatever form love can take.

And so there was a suggestion to change the song.

And immediately, I hear clearly in my mind the one above.

I think that I am particularly sensitive

to that kind of bells’ sound.

I am not going to say I think the text is wonderful.

But I don”t care.

It is just that I want to follow the tune.

The child in me still believe in healing sounds.

And that the toll of bells can be joyous and soothing.

ABOUT THE SERIOUSNESS OF FUN..

Posted in Blogroll, meditation on June 21, 2007 by clartedubois

I don’t know if the solstice has to do with it, but!

Or if it is plain me.

Fact is that it seems time or about time to assess

What blogging and yahooting have brought into my life.

Frankly, no joke meant here…

I started the game to learn about myself.

And for a while, it was like I was only answering the most serious questions.

Just being the patient nurse on Questions and Answers.

And then, Xico entered  the place and our universes collided.

Before him, I never knew myself as someone wanting to laugh all day long…

And that is just what happened.

And it was about time.

I think I stop to laugh when I was still a toddler.

And it is bad enough.

But is it my true nature?

Because due to some external circunstances,

It seems I was stop in my track.

And yes, dear! I was back to it:

Nurse on line.

Except for one.

Where and who I never seem to understand

Or what was going on.

Then, there must be a reason.

Which one? I still don’t know and it is painful.

Because, it is maybe the only person,

I wish I could stand by.

And I have lived in sorrow and anguish and…

Guilt for the little laugh I had here and there.

But now, after a long time of a lack of true laugh,

It has come back.

Nothing else seems to matter anymore.

Or not much.

Except writing.

Well, kind of.

Because, of that second wave shock,

The then meeting of the Poet.

I think, it touched me because of my  state. The state of fun.

I think you are always powerless when you have a fit of laugh.

And my soul was naked.

And I was not expecting anything else than the next prank of Xico.

To think I posted that question about Passoa to tease him.

The consequence of it, I feel to that day.

And probably life will never be the same.

Well, just asking myself and whoever is passing by…

Is it possible to mixed fun and poetry

Without falling into cynicism or ribaldry?

You see, just right now, I am considering the project

To become Mini-stress of the Minets en tous genres.

With Skidda as Secretaire de mon Cabinet.

Avec le portefeuille de l’amour des Ti Cons.

As he claims himself a specialist.

Which means I would be the minister of Cads and Hunks..

And that makes me laugh.

I know.

I can’t help it.

To Xico and lsr…

Cabbage’ s love…

Posted in Blogroll, new vistas on June 18, 2007 by clartedubois

image11.jpg

Cabbage’ s love…

Posted in Blogroll, new vistas on June 18, 2007 by clartedubois

Cabbage plantations are rather new in my life.

This countryside, you see, 

is well-known for crops cultures.

But for some reasons,

it is only now that they catch my attention.

I have always been very responsive to colors and patterns…

But it is going crescendo!

Due to the Alchemist of my writing life.

Every place I lived, and there were quite a few,

Seems to have its special flower or plant…

Born in a Belgian village famous for its strawberries,

I lived for a while in a village of Haute-Provence,

Reputed for all things made from violets.

At other places, I discovered the canas.

Or else the cactus called Opuntia.

And many species on that Island so Greek 

Were growing as bad weeds,

When here they need all our care to survive.

And the fragrance of orange blossoms or jasmine…

Elsewhere,

the gnarled olive trees were old as Methuselah or older..

Okay, I am slightly exaggerating there…

However this year, I am in awe and wonder

And my hero’s are the cabbages.

There is a French children counting rhyme,

You know those tunes for kids with only

Four of the 7 notes, without speaking

Of no diesis and no flat, our French bémol…

And it goes about how to plant those marvellous crops.

The irony is that my stomach can’t stomach them.

Well, that’s life for me!

I am really found of green. The color.

O! I can’t help to think of Gainsbourg’s tune.

” Ellle a , E dans A, Laeti, Laetitia… “

When you think that Laetitia means joy!

The joy of the blue in the green

Of cabbage’s leafs…

And as the said goes by:

The beauty is in the eyes of the holder.

And this was my cabbage’song!

L’averse la plus douce qui soit…

Posted in Blogroll, answer on June 15, 2007 by clartedubois

Depuis ce midi, avant l’orage,

J’avais bien eu quelques idées me trottant dans la tête…

Les voici enfin sortant de leur ombre.

Le ciel s’assombrissait.

De plus en plus.

Rien à faire, les chiens doivent sortir.

Marre de cette grosse veste imperméable.

Tant pis, je m’en passerai,

je vais y aller comme ça.

Á peine dehors, une fine pluie, plutôt agréable

Commence à tomber…

Et voilà, l’averse est là…

La plus douce averse qu’il soit.

Le chat mort au pelage de gris velours a disparu.

C’était hier.

Et hier, je n’avais pas envie de parler de mort, ni de tristesse.

Ni de séparation, ni du silence insupportable…

Et c’est bien comme cela.

Puisque je vous dis que tout était si magnifique

Sous ce beau ciel gris.

Toutes les nuances de vert étaient ravivées…

Quelle palette extraordinaire…

Le vert dans ma vie.

Le bleu dans le vert.

Et le jaune aussi.

Mais toutes ces petites choses restaient là.

Et ne trouvaient pas le chemin pour s’exprimer…

Heureusement Essaid était d’humeur poétique.

Maintenant que mon cher poète est silencieux,

Je suis contente d’avoir quelqu’un à contredire…

Et c’est ainsi que les poètes vivent….

Et les écrivains aussi.

Et voici ce que je lui ai “dit”…

Ah! Poésie quand tu nous tiens.

La nuit a ses vertus, elle aussi.

Quand tu dois y travailler,

oui, certains métiers l’exigent…

Il peut y avoir une certaine quiétude.

Même dans un hôpital.

Où plus que le jour,

je me sentais alors accomplir

les tâche de consolation et de soulagement

pour lesquelles j’avais choisi ce travail.

Moins de querelles, moins d’ego chiffonnés.

Entre collègues stressés.

Et voir l’aube apparaître?

Ma liberté retrouvée et ce grand sourire,

cet éclat de rire que nous partagions…

L’amie complice et moi-même,

de la vie a contre-sens.

Mais vois-tu Essaid, j’aime tout.

Maintenant que ce temps-là est du passé,

je suis devenu plus diurne.

Mais oui, voyons! Les étoiles,

Les éclairs en temps d’orage

striant le ciel d’encre,

La lune faisant ces trucs de lune,

Tout cela est toujours là.

Maintenant…

J’aime toujours voir le soleil oblique

Se levant à l’Orient.

Mais que dire des couleurs comme celles

Des champs verts étincelants après une averse.

Tout est beau! Oh! Que tout est beau.

Je te remercie de me le rappeler.

Et que je suis un être d’une grande liberté,

Malgré des moyens financiers fort limités.

D’amis à amis…

Posted in Blogroll, Dialogues on June 11, 2007 by clartedubois

D’amis à amis…

Le texte qui suit est le commentaire

De moi, May Jo Cat, la rêveuse,

Sur un poème posté par Essaid,

Ayant pour thème,

Une lectrice de romans roses…

Elle s’abime dans ses lectures,

C’est la vison désabusée du poète,

Se sentant exclu de ce monde de mots…

Dont il est finalement le créateur.

Et j’aurais tendance à lui dire…

“Et bien, voilà…

Elle, c’est elle et elle,

c’est un peu moi.

Et pourtant, moi, lectrice,

si passionnée et trop avide,

J’ai eu une vie

Et elle n’est pas finie,

Digne d’un roman.

On peut à la fois vivre à travers des dizaines,

des centaines de personnages…

Pourtant, on ne peut lire des milliers de livres.

J’en ai discuté avec une libraire extraordinaire.

Elle était âgée. 80 ans.

Mais elle marchait comme une jeune fille.

Comme en dansant.

Oh! Mademoiselle … ian,

Oui, comme Aznavourian ou comme Dijian,

Elle le mériterait son roman.

Fidèle à sa mémoire,

je vous le répète:

Statistiquement parlant?

Impossible de lire 1000 bouquins!

Et comme je vous disais donc,

Ma vie rêvée,

je l’ai vécue et je la vis.

Et la vivrai encore.

Être là, dans le milieu de mon temps,

amoureuse d’un poète

-j’en ai le coeur tout jeune à l’intérieur-

Oui, ce n’est déjà pas si mal.

Être sa muse,

C’est quoiqu’on en pense,

beaucoup moins drôle.

Voilà pourquoi, mes amis,

je suis la Belle Dormante.

Même si je me sens Anaïs.

Nin.

Essaid,

Á toi de deviner pourquoi!”

Á cela, Essaid répond…

Focalisant surtout sur le mot énigme, finalement…

Du piège de ce qui est énigmatique.

Et cet autre moi-même qu’est MC La Clarté lui rétorque…

“L’énigme de May Jo Cat, Essaid,

elle est bien transparente…

Mais ton poème.

Je te l’avoue,

voici comme je le vois:

il est comme une pomme

Coupée en deux,

dont les moitiés ne correspondent pas.

C’est pour moi, là, le vrai mystère.

C’est sans doute qu’il est l’histoire d’une lectrice.

Une lectrice bien particulière.

Et de la souffrance de celui qui la voit.

La regarde. L’observe. L’épie.

Ne m’en veut pas,

De ne pas m’y reconnaître.

Bien que d’autres me voyant lire…

C’est que l’idée ne vient pas souvent

qu’on puisse vivre en alternance.

Ou alors elle effraie.

Rêver sa vie pendant les lectures

et ensuite chevaucher Pégase pour vivre ses rêves.

Parfois la lecture, même de choses insipides,

N’est qu’un moment de transition.

Il arrive aussi de vivre à des niveaux différents,

Être bien éveillée dans un circuit,

Et endormi, comme May Jo Cat

ou comme je te dis…

En transit. En transition.

on rêve ainsi certaines choses,

projetées comme un film,

Sauf qu’elles deviennent réelles.

Et c’est ainsi qu’elle est ma vie.

Bien au chaud dans la boule.

Et ensuite, je m’en vais voir le monde.

Et c’est ainsi que le bonheur est là.

Allant de l’un à l’autre.

Et je vois:

Camden et Ben courant comme le vent.

La pluie et le soleil

et sous les arcs-en-ciel.

Et toi, voilà que tu me fais penser

aux cerfs-volants.

Et c’est un compliment…”

A lsr et Essaid.

De la tristesse du poète à la beauté des choux.

Posted in Blogroll, new vistas on June 10, 2007 by clartedubois

Essaid, le poète, l’ami philosophe qui m’impressionne,

est dans une période de doutes…

Alors, que j’ai un petit peu retrouvé confiance dans cette histoire.

Celle que je souhaiterais tellement mienne.

Je fais des petites et des grandes sommes.

J’ajoute, cette phrase à d’autres, je calcule.

Et je déduis.

Il faut peu pour détruire l’espoir. Le silence, finalement.

C’est comme l’air, ça ne se voit pas, mais ça prend de la place.

Sans le silence, la musique n’existe pas.

Mais le silence de ceux qu’on aime,

donne aussi l’impression de manquer d’air.

Voici le commentaire, que j’ai laissé chez cet ami.

Je l’ai élargi. Il m’est propre.

C’est vrai que ce matin quand j’ai sorti les chiens,

La brume – une brume légère ressemblant à de la rosée-

planait au dessus de nous; nous touchant doucement.

Mais les champs étaient dégagés.

Et voilà que les choux, plantés sagement…

Enfin, non, voilà qui est étrange.

Ici, une bande de verts.

Là, ils sont plus foncés, plus petits ou puis plus grands…

Et là, n’est-ce pas du maïs?

Un triangle de maïs, oui!

Et ses jeunes pousses sont envahies par les herbes folles.

Les choux? Pas du tout le carré, je vous assure!

Non! Ils entourent deux côtés du triangle.

Le troisième, c’est ce chemin de terre où Ben et Camden batifolent.

Que ces choux sont donc beaux.

De la beauté des choux,

De cette couleur si rare, bleu dans vert,

Comme, seuls, certains hostas, la partagent.

Elle me porte un coup au coeur.

Où m’étais-je perdue, ces derniers jours?

L’absence et le silence de mon poète-

Pas Essaid, je vous précise!

Me rend-t-elle aveugle au monde, moi aussi?

Dans une vaine solidarité, peut-être?

Son pouvoir d’alchimiste

Qu’il m’a transmis

Comme par magie

S’est-il évaporé?

Il s’était tu, comme lui.

Évanoui… perdu…

Nous avancions: les chiens folâtraient et moi? J’étais songeuse.

Le brouillard nous tombait dessus sans vraiment nous importuner.

Ravivant les couleurs de ces merveilleux légumes…

Et du maïs…

Je découvris un deuxième bande de plantes déjà plus développées.

Oh! Et là… c’était donc ça?

Souvent, je me suis demandée, pourquoi les fermiers

laissaient le fourrage grandir à ce point.

Le laissaient-ils se réensemencer?

Le fermier était-il malade?

Un champ d’avoine.

Jusque-là.

Ignoré.

Plus loin, sur l’autre route, j’ai pensé aux Korrigans.

Aux elfes et aux lutins…

Ces champs, aux herbes sauvages avaient des allures de landes.

Allez encore un petit effort, et la douceur de ce moment,

Je la capturerai.

C’est peut-être fait, cette fois, je n’ai rien oublié.

Et elle m’a redonné envie de peindre avec des mots,

Cette petite pluie aux gouttes si fines..

Comme souvent, ces infimes choses qui rendent supportable

La vie d’un esthète accablé de chagrin.

Tolsr

CAT, CATS AND DOGS…

Posted in Blogroll, dog'story on June 7, 2007 by clartedubois

Sometimes I do, but…

I wish I could see more often the world as I saw it some months ago.

Is the illness of a dearest one taking such a toll on me?

I think that it shouldn’t but it does.

Meanwhile if I am honest, I had compensations…

The French site is full of loving people and fun and music and creativity.

And at the Australian one, some days ago, I saw Cat coming back with pleasure.

Sometime, as life teaches you a little too well the ephemerality of so many things,

You reach a certain degree of indifference when people parted.

This is a way not to suffer.

But yes, I am happy she is back.

And the contradiction is that it is not even that we share so many things.

Since she lelf, many other people have joined my group of contacts.

In the newcomers, some are real philosophers and there I am dwarfed.

Mine is a rather primary philosophy: one of survival and resilience.

As when I try to be main stream, I fail.

But as I am not very original either, I can’t find a place nowhere…

So, I joke or do that kind of writing, only interesting for myself.

One news and more than one, maybe, I want to share, is a good one about the dogs.

All at once, 2 months ago, one morning, Ben, the smaller one

Just out of nowhere, started to limp badly.

I don’t know how, but he recovered slowly but totally.

It seems to me he had a stroke.

That is amazing how animals are healing in a different way.

Like Strider, the cat…

He is 15 years old, had been attacked by one of the maverick cats from next door…

Our otherwise nice neighbours have 5 cats,

3 dogs, a parrot, chinchillas, toads, caged birds

And I may forget something…

And as for Strider, he is a small tabby,

not very strong as he was too small when I found him.

So he too, one morning, came from its outdoor night,

limping even more badly than Ben.

It seems he had a broken paw, from the upper joint.

He is back to normalcy and it took him less than 2 weeks to get well…

Just by resting and resting and resting!

The other news, a wonderful one is about Camden.

My dear Camden is quite a wild dog.

But now 11 years old, even if he still looks like a puppy

He has learned at least I am not only his master, but also his protector.

His safe haven.

So, now, I can leave him have a stroll unleashed.

And it put joy in my heart…

As it is so beautiful to see him running free.

I AM TRYING TO WRITE…

Posted in Blogroll, meditation on June 7, 2007 by clartedubois

I am going to try to write a good blog.

If it will be good, I can’t say, I can’t tell…

But the funny thing is that it was my intention to do so!

I mean to write a blog here as well as at May Jo Cat,

My feminine counterpart.

There, until now, I haven’t write anything else than the titles.

Time to go ahead.

Well, everything came clearly to my mind on the 30 of May!

Here I would go on with English texts about thoughts and reflections.

Otherwise, in French, the tales, fantasies and Starchildren stories.

And now and then some video’s fitting my Reno avatar!

At the Australian site, a huge one, just some music, fun and charities if needed.

For its French counterpart, even bigger, a bit of the same, that’s:

Charities if needed, but mainly the presentation of my artists from Myspace.

Until now, the response is already far better than the first time I tried…

I supposed, I had to see all that clearly because, it needs organisation.

And honestly, last weeks , I reached my limits.

I realised that even when I was with my most beloved friends,

Messenger is, and was killing me.

So, I stepped out of it.

It took me 3 days to feel better as I was so exhausted.

I already reflected about the Shane event…

As much as I like positive actions, I can’t help to find it a bit shallow.

As I see some of my friends, Zorro, for example making articles

With a lot more substance: Tien An Men.

However, being a true human being, I am full of contradictions.

I stopped those years back to be active with Amnesty International,

Because, I didn’t like the fact that we, there, seemed to know all the right answers.

Well, I agree alright that China’s government isn’t respecting

The Human Rights in the slightest.

And in many ways: some of them clearly offending, but other much more subtle.

But what I really was seeking, and still do, was more positivity.

That’s where I would like to have an answer!

How to tackle injustice or biased opinion in a positive way.

And I can’t say I have achieved it either, as only yesterday

Two comments I put, not easy ones, I agree with this,

Were found to be negative.

I don’t specially like to go across the flow, but sometime,

When you have the impression that the vision is so partial,

If not completely out of sync,

It seems there is nothing else to do than following

Ones’ gut feelings.

And of course, most of the times, then, there is no points of discussion.

As you can’t have a cerebral discussion about them.

As it has to do with things coming from yours experiences…

But in a world which says it praises it, you would be surprised at how it is actually unaccepted!

Meanwhile, love to you my friends.

And love to every one, in fact.

Acceptance of our human limits.

Peace in our mind comes from love.

Love from Acceptance.

Acceptance from compassion.

But still one’s integrity is the only true objective.

Knowing oneself in our talents and limits helps to LOVE.