Ahé! Johnny Depp and all that Indian Jazz!

This blog comes orginally from ” Trail of Tears”
http://trailoftears.ning.com/profile/LunaTwist
I post it also at those places:
http://www.ipernity.com/home/81482?rev=31

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=1123059196&ref=profile

(The introduction is about the fact I like a picture very much as it went well with my page,
you can see it below.)
If I haven’t post anything lately, it has all to do with the fact that I like the horse’s picture so much.
O! I can always find a thing or 2 to say.
No worries about that.
Since I read that fantastic book of Julia Cameron,
I am never short about what I could create or recreate.
And I am never short either of words, either of topics.
Like this one:
Many a woman I know have develop a kind of fixation on Johnny Depp.
And honestly, I always find him very Indian like looking,
so what do you think about that?
I think he is a good actor too and has a kind of humor I appreciate.
Well, yeah, sure, he is good looking too.
What were you expecting me to say?
Even if I think good looks have never mean you were automatically a good actor.
Personally I find DiCaprio is NOT good looking,
never found that.
Strange looking, yes.
But what an actor.
But to my knowledge he is just like me,
not one drop of Indian blood
so I’ll drop the subject.
My question is…
Yes, I have a question…
Which American actor is Indian?
Yes!
A simple as that.
The Blacks,
I can see plainly by myself,
but the Indians,
I am only guessing.
And I could be as wrong as possible.
If you would not know otherwise,
I bet you could say Jackie Chan is one….
I found that:
http://www.nativecelebs.com/actors8.htm
This blog is just meant to vent the sadness all around…
( one of my best pals there lost a son and we all share her sadness,
last years, in that quite knitten community,
2 others lost their in a span of one week)

Hey, look what I found after a googling search!
I thought so…
http://www.johnnydepp-zone.com/deppster/

Johnny’s Cherokee heritage comes from both sides of his family, but is particularly strong on his mother’s side. Johnny’s great-grandmother, Minnie, was a full-blooded Cherokee. He also has Irish and German ancestry. He discussed his ethnicity in a television interview in 2002:
Interviewer: Indian origins?
Johnny Depp: Yeah, I’m a sort of –
Interviewer: Cherokee?
Johnny Depp: Yeah, I’m a mixture of all sorts of things.
Interviewer: German, Irish?
Johnny Depp: Yeah. Pu-pu platter, yeah. Combination of weird things. Indian, Irish, German and god knows what. Just a mutt, really.

Don’t ask me why he wears what is like a sioux head.
(Photo below)
If I am wrong, tell me.
http://www.nativeartstrading.com/Headdresses.htm

Here, it is one of those clips, I adore.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMQGCoaXex0

Something interesting too.
Iggy Pop, Vanessa Paradis, Chrissie Hynde and Johnnnnnnnnny!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJ1XqEz9D1o
Chrissie?
Pic from Jim Jarmush’s movie:
Dead Man…

 

 

Once upon a tale…

Once upon a time…

A New Year tale, a New Year Gift…
Into the inbetweeness:
The Eastern and Western New Years..
So, once upon a time, at yahoo there were many…
Hitches, or is it glitches?
So much so, that many Yahootians decided to emigrate.
They found places, of course.
Easier emigration than in true life!
No Schengen there, no tolls, no planes, no visas, no passport!
Only passwords!
About those places:
Some are nicer than others.
Or they suit you better!
For my part, I found ipernity, ning,
and some, many, many others.
(And now, after leaving it a while ago, I found Facebook back!)
I was following my friends, you see.
Not always such a good idea.
Because, just like in “true” life,
maybe even on a higher degree,
friendships on the net can be very taxing.
Some people never get out of their troubles,
whatever you say, whatever you do!
So, after a while, as it was not working for me, I left some.
But I kept some too.
I left one at Ning.
There, me, a little poor Belgian…
Yeah! A Princess, me?
(private joke, sorryyyy!)
I met a Horse Whisperer.
Then and there, I did not realised he was that, though.
No, in my eyes, he was only a kind young man.
With a sad story.
Then, he invited me at his place: Jim’s.
I think he couldn’t really find his turn at the other meeting place…
Just like me.
Though, for a long while, I hesitated to accept his invitation,
as I was engaged…
And the relationship,
very difficult then,
didn’t allowed me either time on the net,
either men-friends…
But at the long last, I relented.
And never regret it!
It is one of the places I won’t leave if heaven permit it!
As there I was to meet my lil Chinese Princess.
Yessssssssss! You!
( sorry, privat joke, again!! It is all about and around, my friend Jo!)
Elsewhere on ning too, to be honest.
And this is by that strange way that at the long last, we became also friends at yahoo.
For the other blog’s readers:
As some of you know, I had many sites there…
and I can tell you she has a huge one too!
Now, we are connected at 2 places and at 3 at Ning.
There, via British or Americans
as well as on the trail of those
who are Native Americans or from mixed ancestry.
So, not so long ago,
Jo with her flower’s Eyes and me,
Lakota Moon,
(I know that by now, you are lost: this im my Indian Name…
I have always been taken by Sitting Bull.
Many people know he was a Sioux.
To be precise, he was a Hunkpapa, Lakota, Dakota Sioux!
Hence my Indian name.
Luna or Louna Twist is one of my pseudo,
also the name of a Belgian pop group from the 80!)
by a lunar twist,
we fell under the spell of a Red Cloud!
Who is, no secret there, our famous Horse Whisperer.
( no, of course not, nothing to do with either Redford,
Red, yes, but not forded,
or Nicholas Evans!
Only, that Red Cloud, like the famous Indian Chief,
has a special relationship with horses! Point!
And with people too!)
My other friends there are a Donna, a White Eagle,
a Desert Fox, a Cactus Flower
and a kind Barry loving shoes sort of man…
And my Chinese Princess.
Which just like me has not a drop of Indian blood,
but also doesn’t live in her native country.
As I live a lot in Morocco,
she lives always in Malaysia.
And this has to be followed..
Sorry, Jo (the Chinese Princess)! It ain’t funny.
The picture comes from Mon Fleur Eyes ( pseudo of the Chinese Princess!) as you can plainly see it!

With a special thank to you, Jim…
By the way, I found a James Lehman (true name of Jim, Horse Whisperer, Red Cloud!) on youtube, a specialist in education for difficult children…
Strange.
Blog from yahoo!

Honestly, I have a lot of fun doing that kind of nonsensical blogs.
And an immense pleasure to post it in different places…
Pour toi aussi. Joelle, ma plus fidèle lectrice à myspace…

Feeling chased by rain…

It was a glorious morning, sun a-plenty.
Then, like always, I was on the PC…
far too long…
Look, I always try, yes!
Honest!
To get out with the dogs at 10.30…
I won’t tell you a lie: it doesn’t happen often that I succeed.
And today, for an unexplained reason,
I felt compelled to do some laundry folding,
some doors cleaning,
some floor brushing,
this last well needed as yesterday Peter washed the dogs!
Those angels are forever shedding their hair.
Anyway.
When that was done, we went happily outside.
The weather was wonderful, even soft for the season.
And the sun was so radiant that I went without a coat,
even considering to pull out my pull-over.
Like always, then my brain goes a-working!
So much so as I am without news from the Starchild
since he took the big jump into telling me his secrets!
I was trying to stay positive, like Phil would say!
Not so easy…
Weighing up things and matters.
And thinking: why this and why that?
And such, and such,
And so on, and so on!
See, there is that weird thing that I experience way to often,
Once people have give me their trust and have confided in me,
They tend to disappear from my life.
And of course, as it happens all the time,
I am wondering what will be his next move.
I have been very emotional those two last days,
Crying without much or many reasons.
Okay…
So, the sun was shining brightly but the dirt road was still very wet.
Well, not like it was previously,
when nobody except the farmers was taking it,
like they all do now, as a short-cut.
Really some mire,
the favorite word of the Starchild to express his unhappiness.
That was nothing then.
Now, it was mud and mud and mud…
So, I had to be cautious no to slip..
Suddenly I heard a kind of hush, a kind of tapping.
And looking back, I saw that the sky was turning
that kind of wonderful grey.
That’s:
when you are watching it from the inside.
I couldn’t believe nor my eyes, nor my ears.
It was raining and raining hard, only some 20, 30 meters
from where I walked.
As the color of the sky was alarmingly getting greyer and greyer
I walked briskly to the little barn,
which is situated a little further on the path.
The farmer is dead and I never walk as far as that usually.
But somehow I thought:
there I will find some shelter.
And yes, that was so.
We were not very wet when we reached a kind a shed.
Very clean, I must say.
Just in time.
And there was the rain.
Pouring rain.
And I decided to stay there for a while.
The dogs do not like it much, to walk in the rain,
while I don’t mind it when I have the right clothes…
Not exactly the case.
So, we wait and wait and wait.
Rain was abating then back to it.
But by and by the sky was getting whiter.
And after quite a long time I start to spot some blueness…
And I thought:
what a lucky being I am!
Imagine, I have time.
Yes, I do.
And so, I could admire the sky getting blue and more blue
With the usual white clouds patching it.
And at the left side of the barn, it was that kind of sky blue,
while on the right side, it was more a pale turquoise…
And so, minutes went by and reflecting:
what a wonder is a cloud!
Even if I know a bit what a cloud is supposed to be,
still it holds a kind of mystery.
How they move, how they change of shapes.
And the blue of the sky.
Why is the sky blue?
So, I decided that when the skyline above the barn would be blue
and only then,
I would move away.
Even if the rain had already stop for a wee while.
And then I went unto the dirt road.
Never did it wear better its name.

 

News from the…

Well, some news.

Many news!

A lot of news.

First of all,

I want to say,

that when I decided,

because I decided it in full consciousness,

to give my love to the Starchild,

I was aware that some youths are playing games.

Some warn me

but after some time on the net,

I already knew that.

And that’s a fact 

that even many so-called grow ups behave like kids in need of attention.

Or diva’s!

Even if nowadays not many diva’s act that way!

All the same,

I didn’t want to take a risk.

I didn’t want to run away,

like I have done many times in front of a child,

an adolescent asking for help.

O! Don’t judge me!

I was not exactly running away!

At first, I always did what was to be done.

It was later, I had to call it quit!

As I was often not in the position to be able to be or stay efficient on the long run.

To be around meant most of the time, conflicts with the person in charge.

And I always quited because I thought it was better to do so for the child.

To prevent him or her to be in a pulling “game”…

So, how did it start?

When first I get irritated and told it to my golden child

(yes, I will never call him by any real name)!

I found it terrible that people,

mainly young girls and gays,

kept on telling him how handsome he was,

while he looks so sad and lonely on those pictures,

And I realised very quickly, I had open a gate there.

As he expressed his true loneliness.

And despair.

And if I understand well, he told me then he is an orphan.

I don’t know if it is true,

but what I know now for sure, is that he feels destitute.

That whatever his true mother is or was,

the person in charge in that kind of role isn’t fulfilling his needs or expectations.

He seems to feel betrayed.

Anyway, for a long time,

I kind of felt nor his name, nor the place he says he was from were true.

What I knew for a long while too, was that 

his avatar and pictures are from a young American actor called Sandvoss.

Steve Sandvoss.

And also, nearly from the start, I thought that he is autistic.

I am not sure, now.

But why would I think that?

Because there was a picture of a red-haired boy on the ground,

the grind in fact, outside, in front of a car,

and that guy was in a kind of fit…

And the man who was pulling him looked very much like his supposed (killed) father.

As to explained things to me, he did put pictures of “his” family.

Well, now of course, I understand why he chose this kind or type of family!

They have to be in the likeness of Sandvoss, of course.

Dumb me!

But why the guy on the ground, supposedly him, was having a fit,

was a kind of mystery!

Or not.

Sure enough,

I had that picture on my desktop from the moment

I realised his avatar and pictures were Steve Sandvoss.

I was probably not wanting to see eyes to eyes the true him.

Because at every turn there were give away signs.

Anyway, I think it is nicer that he told me himself.

His name.

After giving me an address.

Then he acknowledge his place of birth and living.

His faith.

And showed me a way to his picture.

Where I can’t see more than a hand, his nose and a knee.

Has he is in profile and wear a low hat.

But I am already overjoyed just to see his hand and the way he sits.

Well, all wrapped in himself up, if you see what I mean.

Is he my child?

Will he accept that?

He was afraid I wouldn’t love him anymore after he told me the truth.

His secret as he said.

And well, somehow,

even if I understand him, as his opinion of himself is so low,

I don’t.

And I can’t…

As for me that he told me is a gift.

Well, I said so to him.

And kept writing it.

So, Long, this is it for today.

It happened between midnight and one o’clock…

I had one of the strangest night of my life…

Between the cabbages…

This morning when I walked the dogs, it was a very special meeting with myself.

And I was not expecting it in the slightest.

First I must say, I realised something new about the farmers I thought I knew.

I always imagined that their was a cattle business.

Well, wrong, they do crops too.

At least, some of the cabbages fields are their.

Like the one I cross to go to the harvested maize

where they were working today. 

There is a sympathy between us that I praise very much.

I always feel a bit guilty when I think at the differences in our livestyles.

They are so hardworking. 

Okay, my talents must lay elsewhere.

Doing right now, and more than ever, all what I can about it.

Now that I have a kind of extra reason to do so!

So, let us go on…

With the Starchild in my life, I am back to back with myself, again.

That’s means that I am scrutinizing my past as well as my present.

The present seems to be clearly one about writing and the net.

And love.

But as I am not really happy about the situation, I often draw cards.

Yes!

Tarots as well as Angels cards.

As my Starchild seemed to live in fantasy before we were acquainted,

I never know for sure if what he tells me is the truth.

As for example, he is supposedly somewhere between England and Ireland.

Or Arlande.  What he calls Free Arlande.

But apparently, the Angels think I am giving too much importance about that.

His whereabouts, his looks, from where he is and so on, and so forth.

Yesterday, before the night I drew Gabriel.

And it was the card about “creative writing”.

I must admit I sank a bit as precisely, I had done nothing else than write,

all the time, yesterday.

As well as trying that, what I write will find a public.

So, I discarded it!

Well, it was already midnight.

And, really, I was in no mood to write a diary!

The second was Jeremiel…

“To look back on my life.”

And that was even bigger disappointment.

As I thought that it was to remind me somehow

that not one of my love stories was a success…

At that stage I called it quit.

And went to sleep.

But even on the steps to my bedroom my little voice was telling me:

“He loves you.

To him, you are all what he has prayed for and for such a long time.”

And so on.

And confirmation by the Tarots.

I so want it to be true…

I never realised how much I want to be love.

“To love and to be loved!”

Then, today the card is “career transition”.

What does that really mean, I don’t know.

But it is the same angel than the soul-mate one and Peace.

So, I went a-walking with the dogs.

And on the way to it, I first had a long chat with my young neighbour, 18 going into 19…

About everything in his life:

cars, parents, girlfriend, neighbours and his job.

Incredible, somehow.

As he is not exactly what you would call the chatty type.

That was amazing but it happens to me all the time with those shy guys…

So, I went, reflecting a bit on it and both surprised about him doing so,

and, well, surprised that it happens all the time!

So, I was reviewing some of them boys…

Thinking, that one feels his mother loves him to much, the other, not enough.

And that I try to give a balance to what is possible and then otherwise, I only listen.

Yes, that’s quite strange, but I had to put my mind into something.

As by the angels, I am not allowed to think about my obsession immediately

when I step out of the door!

So, I walked until and unto where I am allowed to do so.

Yessssssssss!

I take that seriously.

And there it started.

Like: why was I thinking that looking to the past must be necessarily negative?

Yes, I was unable yesterday to realise that I had a very bias idea about it.

And today the fact is that it turned to be a very different approach…

Do have in mind, that the Starchild is very young!

Do have in mind too, that he says he is an orphan.

So, I keep on thinking a bit back and forth along that line.

And then no wonder that the next question jumped to my throat!

Had I ever stop to think about adoption since me being 8 years old?

Why on earth, would a mere child think about adoption in place of…

And there it started.

Answers pouring!

Unhappiness.

Not being happy.

And not feeling the love of your own mother, or other women in charge.

And so on.

Then why do I think I would love my dear Starchild so much?

I was back at that very thought that if I could have choose,

I would have prefer to have a child than a man.

An adopted child.

Yes.

But then as I was not wealthy enough to be able to stay at home for him,

well, the idea cancelled itself.

As a matter of fact,

I already realised that some days ago!

Exactly when I came to the conclusion

that when a grow-up man, kind of tentatively,

had express his feelings towards me,

I did all the wrong moves.

But today, I saw a second reason why it couldn’t work with him, anyway,

and that was quite easy:

when I told him about my autism, he rejected the idea.

A bad start.

And probably enough to deter me further.

Then, the Starchild.

Well, did I not always want to give a child a second chance?

And that idea struck me.

Like, yes, that’s right!

It is about a second chance, a rebirth.

And is it not what is happening?

And so on.

Well, as it is, it seems that for the Starchild, I am a miracle.

The next stage of that strange awareness was the next:

Why would I trust young people more than adults?

Someone of my youth came to my mind nearly immediately…

And the answer was!

Well, because of my cousin Philippe.

When I looked around as a young girl,

not one of the male adults was behaving in a secure way.

While my little cousin, yes, he is 4 year younger than me, was very clearly determined.

He knew what he wanted and honestly, he kept to it.

Later he studied geology.

Anyhow.

It seems that I never stop loving him

and him me

through all the boys I met and he the women.

A bit of a sad story.

Anyway, I own to him the fact

I always met very wise young men. 

While the grow ups were always as fool or immature

as the ones I was surrounded by when I was young…

With one exception.

You, Long…

I rather like the new design…

It gives me the wow feeling…

I am wondering if it is possible to come here from Lou…

What I must do too is to put Long’s blog somewhere.

Don’t know how, though…

I must find that out…

About the gatherings of birds…

I can’t say I am a specialist about it.
All what follows, are mere observations from here and there.
Although, Ted Andrews in his book Animals-speak, makes me aware in a different way about the world of animals.
My two favorite seasons in this country are the Spring and the Autumn.
And both see the passages of birds.
And it makes me thing that this fascination speaks about me, who I am.
At heart, I am a traveller.
Not even a gypsy, I think.
Well, there I may be wrong as until now I always came back to my native country.
But, presently, I feel unattached to it for different reasons.
Anyhow, my reflections about the gathering of birds has probably a lot to do with my present set of mind.
Yes, why do birds such a thing?
I am sure that many people feels the urge to do so too.
Then, there is that conflict between the Nomads and the… what the hell is the name for that!?
I don’t even know it.
Funny, isn’t it?
When you think that all of us are here for such a short time, would you not wonder why most of us, me included, we are so adamant to have as many possessions as possible?
Really, why this.
All the same, it seems that it is part of the human nature.
We want freedom and then we attach our-self to every possible belonging.
For the moment, what I see the most in bird ’s gathering is the fact that they do it in group.
And that makes me realise, again, I am a bit of a loner, so, this is probably where and why, I don’t fit in the holiday packages and the rest.
When you think of it, would that make me more an adventurer than anything else?
I rather like unusual things.
That’s true!
Well, to be honest, trying to take the normal path, has never agreed very much with me.
While to trod into new ways seems better and even easier.
Of course, there is a kind of pattern in my life too.
Always been so.
Trying this, trying that.
Trying to get above, or over, my shortcomings and be a better me: that fails always!
Trying to accept myself as I am, well…
Trying.
Now, more than ever.
Let us see!
I think that I must write!
And so do I.
At least, I must say there is an uneasiness in me and that’s probably the reason I feel so compelled to do it.
To say it clearly, I want to do it while I don’t know how to get to the next stage of my relationship with…
So much so but also because I want to earn a living with my writings.
It seems a necessity.
But as I say this is also to have something to hold on while the relationship has to shape itself a bit more.
So, with all that in mind, I feel the energy and the surge and go for it.
Then!
Of course, wordpress won’t open, so, here I am.
Today, I wanted to start there and later eventually I would have put the text here.
But things are going in reverse and so is my text.
I never intended to write such and such.
Only about why and how birds gather.
But with such a theme, I was bond to come across myself…
Yes! I do see why, at this stage.
Coz as much as I understand the need to have two places, as much I don’t understand the group needs.
And it is always a kind of reminder about my little autism.
Coz this is how it is called.
All my life I did immense efforts to join the party.
So much so, that many people now are laughing their heads off when I say I am autistic.
But nevertheless, I am.
Not much, but enough to understand the struggles of people in that condition.
Should I be utterly honest?
I will.
Why did I always felt so unattached to my place of birth?
Because I was never accept as I am by my mother.
And now that I can explain to her why it was so difficult between us, she rejects me even more.
Without speaking about my sister.
So, I feel like an orphan.
And this is why now I give it all to one being.
There is nothing to hold me back.
Nothing.
Only some friends, but true friends do not hold you back.
So, this is happening, now.
For real.

One of my friend answered elsewhere to the same post.
Making paralleles between the animal and the human world.
She is right of course.
I answer this…
Well, thank you L. J. for the answers.
All the same!
You are right but I am not wrong.
Being autistic doesn’t mean you want to separate, it means you can’t fit.
Well, more or less.
In my case it was less, but still enough to have a daily struggle into it.
Sure, animals tends to gather.
But some are well-know for their lone ways.
As I was speaking of birds, I’ll go on following that line!
If you compare, for example, wood-pigeons or starlings and even sparrows with blackbirds and robins, you’ll see that the first are group animals and the last are more or less loners.
I see that every day, even in my small town-garden, one blackbird, two at most, one robin and plenty of tits and sparrows and doves and crows…
Or not faraway, on the fields: flock of seagulls, and dozens of geese.
Then again the grey heron…
Ted Andrews even takes him as an omen of loneliness.
If one encounters it often, it means one is not going to keep with the Joneses…

To Long…

Okay, dear, I sent you a mail explaining what I am up too.

No, I just told you,

everything here would be a kind of long letter to you.

Not everything will be heavy stuff, but some will.

Well, life is a mixture, who better than you know that?

And while I reflect on the migration of birds,

I thought: we do think they part from here,

Seeing here as their natural place.

Well, do they not breed here, after all?

While, maybe, the faraway folks of their lands of choice,

Do think precisely the same.

It all start with one of my friend, Haiku, yes, as you read…

She put a little something about a house martin.

And I reply on that…

“Je me sens tellement hirondelle.
Sauf dans le sens où je n’ai pas
Des mulitudes qui m’accompagnent.
Non! Mon voyage sera-t-il long?
Suis-je dans le retour ou l’aller?
Je suis, je vis, je vibre, j’aime.”

 And after Starchild told he was happy for me

About the fact I blog my book at yahoo,

I put it as a comment for him.

Today, it is the text which follows…

Yes, he inspires me.

I hope that soon it will be the same for him.

Long, I think he is autistic too.

“Les hirondelles se rassemblent,
Elles s’en iront vers le Sud,
Mais voilà qu’arrivent les oies,
Pour elles, c’est ici le Sud.

J’aime les oiseaux migrateurs.
Moi aussi, j’aime l’idée d’avoir
deux endroits pour y vivre…
Même si ce n’est pas facile.

Tendresse, lumière et paix. “

Well, as I said it in a mail…

Dear, Long, from now on,

here, it will be a kind of letter and diary!

That I will write to you.

No obligations from your part, of course.

Not at all!

I had that idea because you told me in your last mail,

that you come here, now and then and read the posts.

Yesterday, I was composing my first of those posts,

(which I see now has been saved…

I’ll have a look and decide what to do about it later!)

Then, as always, in between, I went to my skyrock site,

And my Starchild, who isn’t a child any more, was on line.

And presently, he is the important being in my life.

Just like every meetings in my life would point into his direction!

I spoke about him in the previous post.

I don’t know nothing worldly about him.

All what is on his profile and blog can be fake.

But the most important is that his heart is gold.

And it only appeared so and for sure yesterday.

So, I am not going to complain about the fact

I lost the text I was working on quite tentatively…

It was partly about that new start here, house martins and Him.

Well, yes, I am not going to give his name.

Starchild or Him.

That’s will have to do.

So, it happens that on her blog,

a friend of mine put some text about house martins

And it made me reflect on the phenomenon of migration.

Why would we believe that house martins do belong more to here

Than to the country where they heed to in the Autumn?

Is it only because they breed here?

And what about the geese?

And so, I was thinking that I like to live between two countries…

Not saying they do, though!

Now, I think the fact that I didn’t give birth,

gives me the right to go wherever I want.

More so than any mother who is truly so.

This is also the reason that, if Starchild would like too,

I would move to his place.

I mean, why not?

Since last we were closer, Long, a sad thing happened.

The twins came for some days around the Easter period.

Afterwards, I never had news from them.

And their parents, of course.

Never.

And as the situation with my sister was always difficult,

The twins are her grand-children, after all,

I did not ask either.

As unbelievable as it is,  it is where I stand.

Childless and a bit like an orphan too,

because the strange way my mother always behaved towards me

Since then, has been even stranger.

So, now, Big Love enters my life in the most unexpected way.

And I am like thinking:

Good, all of them used me and rejected me…

That makes me free.

Completely.

Back!

My lead-singer is back.

Not yet actively but…

And I want to put something here, just in case.

O! No!

Not for the sole sake of posting.

No! Just because, I can say, again, I am in hiding.

Well! It is hell!

And I have not the slightest idea how to handle this.

My best friend and me have gone through a lot of misunderstandings.

Yahoo!

And now, while he had added me at FIVE places in his contacts,

he withdrew me of them.

Just like that.

Not even telling why!

No, as I say, I have not a really clue…

Or maybe.

But whichever are his reasons, it looks as he is out of his mind.

Of course I am not going into details here, but it is so.

And to see someone you trusted acts so strangely is very painful…

Very.

Anyway, friends all around even without me telling ‘em are very kind.

Someone asked me to a new place,

and even if a new place was the last thing I needed,

it distracts me of my bewilderment.

I have also a little blog at Skyrock

and there many of my very young contacts are Arabs.

Except a young Aussie.

And I am very touched by him…

But today, he told me what I suspected :

As he put it: he is sick in the head.

But man, I am moved.

Yes, Internet destroys things with one hand and 

with the other she gives you the child-trust of a young boy.

About my many yahoo sites,

I am kind of sobered since my French friend left.

I mean, what is it for I would do it,

if the one with whom I am able to exchange the most,

stop his blog and cut all contacts with me?

Just tell me.

Meanwhile,

I discovered that Vincent Valentine is not THE ultimate tragic hero.

And I realised that he emanates a great serenity,

he is straightforward and determinate.

And when he put his mind on something, he succeeds.

He is mutilated and manipulated, but this becomes his assets.

And he survives the hardest fight ever.

Later, he is freed from his unrequited love for one woman…

And ready to start a romance.

Never ever in my wildest dreams, I thought that would happen…

Reno isn’t that funny anymore.

But this is not important.

Nothing is very important, only writing is.

To learn to put stories or articles together is now the main thing…

And by doing this every single day, I am learning my writer’s job.

This is the only thing that really matters.

And Long, I own you that.

Don’t dare to forget!